a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
