i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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