Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
