i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
