She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
