Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
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