I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
