Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
