every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
