thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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