apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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