So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
