apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
