When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
