Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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