if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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