I wanna passion pit in your ass
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
