Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
