It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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