that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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