We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
