I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
