don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
