he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
