I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
