your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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