summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you told grandpa to call you daddy
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
