So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
