I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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