he shaved USA in his pubs
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
