u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
