I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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