you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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