Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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