Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
