The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
