every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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