arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
