we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
