I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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