I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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