I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
