I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
