i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
