oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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