If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Shame is for Republicans.
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