your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
