after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I would ride that face into the sunset
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
