Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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