It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
