I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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