Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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