I will die if light touches me.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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